ER: audition #2

So I'm back in the ER. I'd like to say that the smell of blood and urine and the anxiety hanging in the air excites me yet again. But this time, I am just numb. I feel like my confidence has been shredded into tiny pieces--- what with all the residency application stress of writing my personal statement, getting my lower than average step 2 scores back and the reality of the application submission opens saturday I am just exhausted and way too over stressed. Not to mention this is now audition season and next several months will be having to prove to everyone around me that I am a smart candidate that they should want.  

I go to work and instead of looking around at patients and stories of those in the ER, I stare at the first year interns instead. Wondering what they did to get in that spot and desperately hoping I have what it takes.  The whole of it exhausts me. I am tired of feeling inadequate and trying to prove to them that I am worth something. Not to mention, the prospect of dozens of exhausting interviews to try and make my mark--or worse no interviews at all...

The good news is that a few residents here have said they have my back. These residents get to vote when our applications come through. So now I have to decide if i want my audition rotation to count as my interview or if i want to come back for a formal one.  The option to save money is always nice, but I don't want to be out of their minds or not get a chance for the faculty to remember me.  So I don't know what to do with that.

I was also invited to Med Wars, so I'll have some pretty good stories then.

Since I have only done 1 shift in the ED, i'm going to take this opportunity to say, I'm applying on saturday for residency in the ER.  I have already sent 11 applications to DO places and i will send 30 more to MD places.  After that it is all a waiting game hoping that I get interviews and don't screw things up.  I'd like to chronicle here some of the struggles I've gone through and some of the answers I've realized, but since there is a small chance that while I am applying someone else could steal my answers, I won't risk that right yet. HAHA nothing like feelings of inadequacy to bring out my competitiveness......